Tuesday, June 13, 2006

6/14/06 - Squirrels

I am not an animal person. I have never had a dog and most likely never will. However, I can still stand to be around most animals. Except for squirrels. They are the dumbest, most annoying, useless creature to walk to the face of the earth.

The worst is when they stop on the sidewalk in front of you and stare at you. No mr. squirrel, I do not want to pet/feed your disease ridden ass.

For those of you like me I direct you to the Anti Squirrel Coalition I think these guys have more hate than even I do. Be sure to check out their weapons. And I quote, "Our missions are designed to eliminate the dreaded bushytail. The majority of our missions are Search and Destroy operations. Through our vast network of information we find out where the bushytail lives, then after we pinpoint his bunkers, we kill him. This fight has been going on for as long as I can remember. Brave men have always gone out into the dark woods to face the evil squirrel. Many of them never came back... Yet, we will keep up the fight and protect our country. Watch your back!"

Squirrels: I hate you.


Blogger The Rev said...

"To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote. "

Bill Murray in Caddyshack

8:41 AM  
Blogger bowling with no panties said...

I friggin hate them too...mostly because they are gluttonous pigs. The world continues to attempt to build an anti-squirrel bird feeder but those wily gluttonous bastards always find a way to stuff their snouts into the bird feeders. Even if the have to hang upside down like bats.

When I worked down in the Wall Street area as a flat broke temp, all I could afford for lunch was a Burger King kids' meal. I would schlepp over to that BK and order my pathetic fast food crap meal and go sit on a park bench near the bull statue to read my book while stretching my lunch out to make it seem like I had a ton of food instead of a hockeypuck and a few soggy fries.

One day, I was sitting and reading and I was holding my burger near my cheekbone and felt this little pressure on my shoulder. I look and there, ON MY SHOULDER, brazen as hell is one of those fluffy tailed RATS, EATING my FUCKING LUNCH.

I screamed and threw my burger across the little bench area and of course, Greedy goes after it. That fucker stole my lunch.


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