Wednesday, July 12, 2006

7/12 Don Downer

I hope everyone has seen the SNL skit Debbie Downer. Well, I work with a real life version of her, except mine is a male so we shall call him Don Downer. It is emotionally draining to even be within ear shot of one of his conversations. I finally learned to stay as far away as possible. Past conversations have included:

Scene one, lunch:

DH: these chicken nuggets are great. Want to try one?

DD: 10 minute lecture on why he only eats free range chicken.

Scene two, walking streets of Philly:

DD: walking these streets will be the death of me.

DH: huh?

DD: didn't you see that car almost hit us in the crosswalk?

DH: Umm. No.

DD: 10 minute lecture on the statistics about automobile accidents

Scene three, train (we commute from the same suburb):

DD: I'm never going to have children. I mean, I can't see bringing them into this world, what with the impending nuclear or environmental catastrophe.

DH: you need a prozac.

I could go on and on with examples, but I don't want to depress you too badly. The weird part is that he doesn't seem depressed. He almost seems to enjoy his ultra-weird personality. He wears it like a badge of honor. However, I would guess that his current attitude is more of a defense mechanism that he has developed from never having fit in anywhere at any time.

Don Downer: I hate you.

14 Comments:

Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Bastard. The tears are clouding my vision so there might be typos. I believe I may be one of the few on earth that have been equipped with a Depreydar. My senses hone with an intense frequency when I encounter needy lonely creepy and men that want to fuck with just having looked at my picture -- I throw them all in the pretend misery depression box coffin I keep here. Funniest post yet.

6:45 PM  
Blogger MC said...

I don't think having children is going to really be an issue for this dude... so he need not worry about it.

8:16 PM  
Blogger The Stevo in H-Town said...

I quit watchin SNL years ago cuzzit was lame...That clip/skit wuz good enuff to hold it's own with the early days...and that wuz good stuff..

6:00 AM  
Blogger anonymous said...

SNL is still on?

7:09 AM  
Blogger El Padrino said...

Debbie & Don Downer
King and Queens of Downer Land.

Hysterical.

8:19 AM  
Blogger jali said...

I work with someone who lives for the sad drama.

Her car's alternator failure is more tragic than anyone else's in the history of the world.Her sick friend is sicker than anyone else's sick friend in the history of the world. Her tragic breakup is so much mor tragic than anyone else's in the history of the world. Her paper cut is deeper, her hunger before lunch greater, her PMS stronger...

It's hard sometimes.

8:33 AM  
Blogger MC said...

I remember an old saying Mel Brooks used to bandy about:

"Tragedy is when I get a papercut, comedy is when YOU fall down an open sewer and die."

9:15 AM  
Blogger The Rev said...

He needs to get laid!

9:52 AM  
Blogger anonymous said...

so seriously.. snl is still actually on?

12:48 PM  
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