Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Taking A Break

I'm taking a break from posting. Don't know when I'll be back again. I used to always get frustrated when my favorite blogs didn't update constantly. Now I understand why. If you would like me to leave you a message when (and if) I post again, let me know in the comments.

It has been a pleasure hating for all of you. Please keep up the hate in my absence.

If anyone would like to be added to this blog as a member and keep up the daily postings please let me know.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Friday, August 18, 2006

8/18 - Throw'em the heater

Sorry for the late update, hope I haven't ruined anyone's day. I know you all hold your breath until I post.

Who is feeling hateful today?

Last week's winner: EP, with honorable mention to Bobman.

If you work in a building with an elevator then you may know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people that have a conversation in the elevator while a bunch of other poeple just stand there.

I'm not a fan of hearing about your house in Long Island Mr. Pink tie. And no Ms. Shallow Woman I don't care that Henry missed his thrid consecutive day of day care with the runs.

I mean the ride down from the 26th floor is only like a minute and a half. So you really need to talk the whole way down. You can't wait? No one wants to hear your conversations.

Espeacially the whispering fools. Hey asshole. We hear you, we are all in a steel box the size of a closet....whispering won't work you mindless ape.....just shut up.

Elevator talkers: I Hate You.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

8/17 Sanctimonious Music Expert

We all have one friend who thinks he/she knows everything about music. Everytime a song comes on they know who sang it, who wrote, where it was recorded, and the exact number of people that have lost their virginity while the song played in the background. This friend for some reason always has to tell you how bad your taste in music is. Whatever you like, he knows something better or knows why your's sucks.

I have a theory about these people. I think they secretly love top 40. In fact, next time you see one driving by see if he is jamming out to Fergie's London Bridges (talk about a bad song).

Sanctimonious music guy: I hate you.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

8/16 - House Guests

First I'll start by saying sorry to all of those who couldn't view the video yesterday. I suggest you view it at your earliest chance.

Today I would like to talk about House Guests. It always seems like a good idea to invite friends/family to stay over. It never works out that way. You have to feed them. You have to entertain them. They are in the bathroom when you want to shower. They eat your last bagel.

Ben Franklin had a famous aphorism, "Visitors and fish both begin to smell in three days." For me its more like one day. I like to sit around in my boxers and sone out watching tv most nights. This is not possible with outsiders in your home.

House guests: I hate you.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

8/15 - Sometimes you have to love

Borat is one of my favorite sketches ever.

This is by far funnier than anything i could ever write. I haven't seen it yet, and its already one of my top ten movies. Enjoy

Monday, August 14, 2006

8/14: Celeb of the Week - Larry the Cable Guy

Git R Done! There are few phrases I hate more in the modern vernacular. Larry and his band of miscreants have forced their "redneck" humor upon America for too long. Is Jeff Foxworthy really on tv? How is this possible? They might as well make a tv show showing me taking a dump. Atleast it would be funnier.

Larry the Cable Guy is the worst of this group. First of all, does he actually install cable? Most comedians go by a first and last name. Is his comedy so unsuccessful that he still needs to keep his day job?

The real reason I hate Larry is because I have constantly been seeing ads for his movies on tv his week. I assume it is a straight to video release. Wow, that puts him in great compnay with the Olsen twins.

Larry the Cable Guy: I hate you.

Friday, August 11, 2006

8/11 - Throw'em the heater

Friday is my day of rest and time to hear about what you hate.

For the second consecutive week the winner is LaRie. Will anyone dethrone him? Iam? Steve? Maiden? EP? the triumphant return of thebill? anyone else i didn't mention? the gauntlet has been laid down.

last week's winning hate:
If you've ever bought a car from a dealership, you might understand what I'm about to say. You fill out a survey when you're at the dealership, right after you buy the car. The salesman slips out of sight, so you can "rate your satisfaction". Alright, that was nice. BUT, it's not over... little do you know that you buying a car has shifted the car survey people into action. They must not give the salesman his money until every last survey is completed. A week after we've had the car, I get a call, AT WORK... requesting a quick survey. I was like, I already gave one at the dealership. Oh, this is different. Oddly, I receive another call from the salesman, hoping that I was COMPLETELY satisfied and told the survey people that. At this point, I'm slightly annoyed, but dropped it.

THEN.. I get a "Official Survey of etc etc" in the mail. I just don't have the energy. If you don't want to fill it out by hand you can call this 800 number. (I guess I'll do this, since they'll keep BOTHERING ME) So, I call.... "We're sorry, this 800 number does not work for your area." WHAT? Aren't 800 numbers national? There's an actual area that is cut off? What?

I just filled the stupid thing out and sent it in.. do you know that I have received a post card "reminding me" to return the survey. HELLO, it's been 2 days. AND THEN... a call... this person got the entire brunt of the hate. I told her that they needed to leave me alone and that I was not longer going to fill out anymore surveys. I thought 3 was enough. She says... "So are you completely satified?" Not anymore... dead air.. click. Haven't heard from them since....

Car surveys I hate you.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

8/10 - Failure to Flush

This one's probably not in the best taste but its something that bothers me to the core. If you have a problem with it, you can let me know about it tomorrow. Have you ever walked into a bathroom prepared to do your business only to find a turd staring back at you from the toilet. What was the last person doing that they couldn't get everything down the drain? Is it really that hard to flush a toilet? Is it that hard to flush one twice? I'm sorry, but failure to dispose of one's waste is one of the cardinal sins that can occur in a shared living or working environment.

Here's a step-by-step guide.
1. Do your business
2. Flush
3. glance back at the toilet
4. If necessary repeat steps 2-3
Its that simple. People who can't follow thse rules should be forced to use depends.

People who can't properly flush: I hate you.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

8/9 - Internet Money making Opps

There was a comment in yesterday's post that reminded me of something I hate. Posted by anonymous, it went as follows:
Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money
I won't bother to republish the link. I have always wondered who the idiots are that click on these links. Let me break it to you, there is no way that you can make $10K a month doing nothing from your home. These are all schemes to get your money. There is a reason you must be a start-up fee. This type of scam has been going on forever. Just open your local newspaper and see if there is an ad to work from home. I bet there is. I feel bad for the people who fall for this. These businesses prey on poor feeble minded individuals.

Work from home jobs: I hate you.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

8/8 - Double Dose Tuesday

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was having too much fun and didn't have any energy left to post thanks to a friend getting a completely comped weekend at the Borgata. Lets just say you haven't lived until you have poured out some Johnny Walker Blue for your hommies no longer with us.

First, belated celebrity hate:

And on double dose tueday, you get a double dose of celeb hate: Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. I don't have a ton to say about them except to questin who cares about their wedding. The wierdest thing I read is that they are having like 4 weddings so that everyone they know can attend. Ummm, don't you guys have some loot? Couldn't you fly the entire state of Arkansas, or where ever white trash resides, to your wedding? Unless this wedding creates another home video of Pam, it really doesn't belong in the news. (honestly, without that Pam and Tommy video, would the internet have taken off? Pam was paris hilton before paris even knew what night vision was)

Pam and Kid: I hate you.

For your second dose, lets talk about the advertisements for free checking. Banks are still pushing this like its some kindof special deal. When was the last time that checking wasn't free? I've had a checking account since I turned 16 and never once did I pay for checks, not even when I only had like $100 with the bank. And are checks even relevant anymore? I write exactly 2 a year, for tuition and thats it. Everything else I pay online, by creditcard or cash. Checks really are a thing from the past. Seinfeld once did a bit where he compared checks to a note from your mommy stating the you promise you have the money and will pay it in the future. I probably didn't do a good job describing the joke, oh well.

free checking ads: I hate you.

Friday, August 04, 2006

8/4 - Throw'em the Heater

It's Friday, and that means it's time to hear about what you hate.

Bring the heat, or don't bring it at all.

See you Monday.

Last week's winner: LaRie

We were all set, made it to the airport on time, got thru security and actually found a seat in the terminal. That's where everything went down hill. We start boarding the plane to Hawaii and I notice that there are people with INFANTS boarding the plane. Oh you guessed it, the infant was seated one row to the right of us. LOVELY. I'd say 8 hrs out of the 8 1/2 hrs the baby cried. These parents didn't have ANYTHING for the kid... they just let the baby scream. SERIOUSLY. And, why do you get up and walk around and let everyone on the plane enjoy the screaming?
During the trip, we had ONE meal that was kid free. If I could pick lottery numbers....
It gets better, on the flight back-- We had THREE infants and one toddler. Why on earth do people travel with infants on a 9 hr flight? Are you insane? All of the babies cried and two parents should be in police custody for overdosing their children with too much Benadryl. Needless to say, we didn't get any sleep.

Stupid parents that travel with infants and toddlers, I hate you.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

8/3 - Post #100

On the occassion of my 100th post, I think this poster describes how I feel.

Hate on.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

8/2 - Backne

Sorry, running late on time, so this will be short and not well developed. I wanted to write about how much I hate backne (backne). Here is the exact circumstance: you are walking down the street and see an attractive woman. She happens to be wearing a tank top. AS you get closer you realize there is something horribly wrong. She has acne all over her upper back. No matter how good th rest of the package is, this cannot be ignored.

Please provide your thoughts on backne and help me fill out this hate.

Backne: I hate you.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

8/1- Car Upkeep

When you buy a car, you hope you are getting a fine piece of machinery. However, if you want to keep it in good shape, there are constant expenses. Every couple months you've got to get the oil changed. Every 10K or so you need to get the tires rotated. You need to get the brakes checked. You need to do this. You need to do that. (granted, I could probably learnto do many of these things myself, but I won't)

I can't think of a single other product that requires this much upkeep. Would you ever buy a bookcase if you had to replace the shelves every 3 months? I know I wouldn't. Its sh*t like this that makes me jealous of those of you who live in a city. For all the hassles of public transportation, atleast you don't have to maintain it.

Car upkeep: I hate you.

Monday, July 31, 2006

7/31 - Celeb of the Week: David Hasselhoff

I'm going to do it. I'm going to go ahead and hassle the hoff. Its not an easy thing for me to do. He had popular tv shows at two points in my life. As a child, Knight Rider was one of my favorite shows. In fact, I remember lying in bed pretending my bed was KITT before falling asleep. Then, as an adolescent who was discovering the female form David appeared on Bay Watch.

If that had been the end of his career, I would do nothing but admire him.

But then, recently, he has attempted some kindof comeback. It started with what seemed like a few too many "random" sightings on tv. He always seemed to be in the crowd. And then it hit, "America's Got Talent" (this show is a steaming pile of sh*t, which means something because I usually love reality tv). He's not funny, he's not engaging, he basically just trades on the fact that he's david hasselhoff. In fact I have seem him wear a shirt that says "Don't Hasel the Hoff." Total douchebag manuver. On one episode of America Lacks Talent, he introduced Donald Trump as the only man who can "hassle the hoff." It all just comes across as so cheesy and lame.

I also recently read in the news that David Hasselhoff was barred from boarding a flight to Los Angeles because he showed up too drunk at London's Heathrow airport, according to reports.

A man who has fallen from greatness yet still tries to grab the limelight cannot be respected by me. Add in various commentary about his musical career in Germanyand you realize why I hate.

David Hasselhoff: I hate you.

Friday, July 28, 2006

7/28 - Throw'em the Heater

It's Friday and that means its time to hear from you. Let me know what you hate (and as always, I'm accepting bribes).

Last week's winner: Rev. Steve
(as a reminder, please post your own hate in addition to any commentary you might have about Steve's)

Without further ado, Steve's hate:
Why are there still people in this world who pay at the checkout line of a drug store or supermarket by writing a check right then and there?

I would expect this behavior out of old people who are 80 years old or older. But in both cases, these people looked to me to be in their 30's (and both looked like dorks in my mind).

With the advent of debit cards, no one should ever write a check in a checkout line again. It's not like a debit card is hard to get anymore. Checks should be reserved for bill payment through the mail or payroll checks or payment of contractors. There ought to be a law about using them to buy groceries.

I was especially mad in one case where a manager had to be called over. And there wasn't another line I could get in.

I'm thinking these peope still use passbooks at the bank. Does anyone use a passbook anymore?

People who write checks at a supermarket who are young enough to know better... I hate you"

Thursday, July 27, 2006

7/27 - Can I Call You Right Back?

Ring, Ring
Hey, can I call you right back?
Umm, sure.

When making a phone call to a friend, this is one of my least favorite conversations to have. Now that most of us have cell-phones most of us have caller id. You know who is calling. If you don't have the time to talk, let it go through to voicemail. Why should I have to sit around and wait. When exactly is "right back"? I have seen it take anything from 2 - 45 minutes. I say 10 is the outside limit on use of right back.

Can I call you right back? No, I hate you.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

7/26 - NO! I DON'T DRINK!

posting this hate early, as I will be unable to post on the 26th. wish me luck, i need it.

Today's hate goes to a special person at the bar who I just can't stand. This person will stand there miserable without a drink in his/her hand. Often times a friend [can I say friend, I doubt these people really have friends, the only ones I have encountered have been acquaintances] will approach and say, "why don't you have a drink?" Rather than saying "no thank you" or smiling and saying "not right now thanks", this person launches into a monologue about how he/she does not drink. "Oh no! I don't drink! I never have any alcohol! Blah, blah, blah."

Listen buddy, we don't care if you don't want to drink. Honestly it makes no difference to me. In fact, since I live in the suburbs there are often nights that I go out and have nothing more than a soda. I don't try and insist that you have to drink to have a good time. My problem arises out of the fact that these individuals must be so damn sanctimonious (have I ever mentioned that sanctimonious is one of my favorite words? I'm surprised I haven't used it on the site yet. I'll also need to find a way to work defenestrate into a post). There's nothing special about that you're not drinking and there's certainly no reason to try and make others feel bad about drinking.

I have been at a bar with both mormons, muslims, and amish people all of whom never drink. Yet not a single one of them has felt the needed to act superior to me. They're just along for the ride and don't try and make a big deal about not drinking. That's why I have a theory about our self-righteous complainer. He needs attention. He knows by acting like a fool that he will get attention, even if it is negative. This need to be in the limelight is pathetic.

Dude lecturing me on why he doesn't drink: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

7/25 - Flush Shower

every morning I like to get up, go to the bathroom, and take a shower. However, this combination confronts me with a serious problem: what to do about the shower water temperature? You see, when you flush, it makes the shower exponentially hotter. Not only that, but you lose the ability to moderate the water temperature in the shower until like a minute and a half has passed.

I have never received a good explanation as to why flushing effects the shower so greatly. Are we using freezing cold water in our toilets that is getting pulled away from teh shower? How long mus this problem go on. I've been seeing it in showers around the country (and the world) for over 20 years. You would think that there would be atleast a few advances in plumbing. I'm sick and tired of getting scorched in the shower just because I flush the toilet.

Flushing before showering: I hate it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

7/24 - Celeb of the Week- T.O.

credit for picture

The man belives he was misquoted in his own auto biography. That and he ruined 6 months of my life. 'Nuff said.

T.O.: I hate you.

Friday, July 21, 2006

7/21 - Throw'em the heater

Show me what you got.

Sorry for not posting "winners".

Last week's winner: El Padrino:
This week's hate I focus on women.
Not all women, just women that stare at me when I'm sitting down on the train, expecting me to get up for them (fair maiden this better not be you). Now let me just say that I will get up on only two occasions:
1. If your over 90 yrs old (I need to see ID)
2. If your visibly pregnant. Visibly meaning large growth protruding from stomach.
If you don't meet any of those requirements, you will not be sitting in my seat until I get off at 49th st. Which from Brooklyn is a long time. So stop staring at me because it only makes me angry.
Why do I owe you this seat? Because your a woman? AND!? You wanted equal rights, well. Were equal. I'm just as entitled to sit as you. I hate you and the stare face you give me. Stand woman, STAAANDD!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

7/20 - Too Much Perfume

I'm riding the train into work today when an old lady sits in the seat behind me. I am immediately overcome with the scent of her perfume. The lady must have bathed in the stuff. (note, this is a common problem for old women because they begin to lose their sense of smell and think they are putting on the correct amount).

And this is not just a problem for women. Men have been known to slather on the cologne instead of showering. If any of my readers are doing this, you're not fooling anyone, we all know you haven't showered. And that obsession you're wearing went out of style like 8 years ago.

I very rarely if ever wear cologne, but I understand that some people like to wear fragrances. Its totally ok, but like all things please practice moderation. When you wear too much it does not smell good. It becomes similar to encountering a pile of manure.

People wearing too much fragrance: I hate you.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

7/19 - Men with long fingernails

I normally don't care much about appearances (contrary to what you might think after reading this) and I have never had a manicure of anything like that, but today I must comment about other men's hands. Have you ever seen a guy with long fingernails? It is completely disgusting.

What look are they going for? Freddy Krueger?

I once had a podiatrist with really long fingernails. Every time he held my foot it felt like he was stabbing me.

It really is a horrible affliction. Every time I see a man with long fingernails I want to hand him a dollar and tell him to buy a set of nail clippers.

Men with long fingernails: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

7/18 - Neighbors

Today's hate is specially dedicated to Fair Maiden, if you do something nice for me, you'll get a special post too.

My neighbors can be quite annoying and inconsiderate. I live in suburbia so are backyards border against each other and we have no fence. Since there is no fence, my neighbors have taken this to mean that they can walk through our backyard as a short cut. I suppose this would be fine except for the fact that they are noisy while they do it. However, that's not what annoys me.

What really riles up the hate within me is when their grandchildren are over for a visit and they go to play in the backyard. Rather than keep them within their own property these little monsters are running all over the place and right up to the back of my house. They don't belong anywhere near me and I don't want them near my house. One main reason is that there are a lot of rocks and crap back there and I don't want them getting hurt and then suing me. (Am I a law student or what? Whatever, little kids get hurt and I don't want to pay for it). I have even mentioned to my neighbors to please keep the kids off my property, but they refuse to comply. I'm thinking about setting bear traps back there. Good idea?

We all have neighbors and they all invariably do something to annoy us. I myself try to have little to no interaction with my neighbors. However if they were writing this post they would probably say they hate me because I can't understand the fact that little kids run around.

Many people live by the credo "love thy neighbor," well I say we should live by the motto "hate thy neighbor."

Inconsiderate neighbors: I hate you.

Monday, July 17, 2006

7/17 - Celeb(s) of the Week - the olsen twins

Now here are two celebrities that I cannot understand. They are completely hideous beasts. Perhaps some of the attraction and attention comes out of their years on full house. But, that does not explainwhy so many men are attracted to them. If I remember correctly, maxim ran an online countdown clock that ran until they reached 18 years of age.

More importantly, if guys like them because of full house, does that make the majority of their adult fans pedophiles? Personally I like my women a little older and with more meat on their bones.

I can't think of anything that they have done recently that warrants their celebrity status. New York Minute was nothing special and if that makes you a celebrity how come I don't see Andy Richter in US Weekly on a regular basis?

For no reason I can discern they are celebrities.

Mary Kate and Ashley: I hate you.

Friday, July 14, 2006

7/14 - Throw'em the heater

You know what to do.

I'm off to the mid-west for a wedding. If you don't hear from me on Monday it probably means I've been forced to marry the daughter of a local farmer and will spend the rest of my life looking forward to the Jackson County Fair. See my potential inlaws:

Have a hate-filled weekend. I know I will.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

7/13 - Crappy Shows I Like

I hate the fact that there are so many shows on tv that I like, yet I know they are crappy shows.

For instance, I like to watch tv at night before I go to bed. In my room I don't have cable, so the choices are pretty limited. I have taken to watching The King of Queens at both 11 and 11:30. Its embarrassing just to type it.

Other bad shows i enjoy include So You Think You Can Dance (a show I know I should hate) and Blowin Up. Why do I find so much enjoyment in shows that I know are bad? And, its not like I enjoy watching them because I mock them for being bad, I genuinely enjoy it. I think I would watch almost anything they put on MTV. Is there any explanation for the number of episodes I have seen of Room Raiders and Next? I'm probably getting dumber.

Anyone else hate the fact that you watch certain shows?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Impossible to hate on

720? Are you kidding me?

7/12 Don Downer

I hope everyone has seen the SNL skit Debbie Downer. Well, I work with a real life version of her, except mine is a male so we shall call him Don Downer. It is emotionally draining to even be within ear shot of one of his conversations. I finally learned to stay as far away as possible. Past conversations have included:

Scene one, lunch:

DH: these chicken nuggets are great. Want to try one?

DD: 10 minute lecture on why he only eats free range chicken.

Scene two, walking streets of Philly:

DD: walking these streets will be the death of me.

DH: huh?

DD: didn't you see that car almost hit us in the crosswalk?

DH: Umm. No.

DD: 10 minute lecture on the statistics about automobile accidents

Scene three, train (we commute from the same suburb):

DD: I'm never going to have children. I mean, I can't see bringing them into this world, what with the impending nuclear or environmental catastrophe.

DH: you need a prozac.

I could go on and on with examples, but I don't want to depress you too badly. The weird part is that he doesn't seem depressed. He almost seems to enjoy his ultra-weird personality. He wears it like a badge of honor. However, I would guess that his current attitude is more of a defense mechanism that he has developed from never having fit in anywhere at any time.

Don Downer: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

07/11 - Yellow Cars

Yellow cars are hideous. Why would you want to look like you drive around in a taxi? Do they charge less for this color? I actually heard that if you have a yellow car insurance costs less because no one will ever steal it. I guess that is pretty good incentive to buy it.

Salesman: I know what you're thinking, yellow isn't for you.
Buyer: Yeah, its pretty ugly
Salesman: But you'll never have to worry about anyone stealing it!
Buyer: hmmmmmm

That doesn't seem like a conversation that I would ever have, but then again I am smartr than everyone.

Yellow cars: I hate you.

(on a another transportation note for those of you living in cities: I hate people over 35 who ride Vespas or vespa like bikes. I say the cutoff for these vehicles is 29, with a grace period from 30-34.)

Monday, July 10, 2006

07/10 - Bonus Observation

Can you believe there was a stabbing involving a Baltimore Raven's linebacker and it wasn't Ray Lewis? Me neither.

a little help

need a little help for a friend in NYC. if you know of any good part time summer jobs please let me know (ie handing out flyers would be fine). Please don't tell me to look at craigslist, everyone knows that by now jacka**. Either leave it in the comments or hit me up at if you have any ideas. Thanks! Anyone who provides a viable lead can chose a subject for me to hate on and I will post it here.

Celeb of the week hate below.

7/10: Celeb of the Week- Cash Warren

I hate Cash Warren because he has stolen my woman. For those of you not familiar with him, Cash Warren is Jessica Alba's boyfriend. I didn't think I had other reasons to hate him, but I though of a few.
1. What kindof name is Cash? What's his brother's name, Visa?
2. When you are 27 and your IMDB page does not have a picture and only has 2 credits total on it, you are probably not much of a professional.
3. did I mention he stole my future wife?
4. he murders kittens.
5. look how much better I look with Jessica Alba than he does.
6. he lives off the success of his daddy, Michael Warren.
7. he only has one testicle.

Cash Warren: I hate you

Friday, July 07, 2006

07/07 - Throw'em the heater

You know what to do.

Sorry to have not announced last week's winner. It was.....drum roll please.....FairMaiden327.

For those keeping score at home its:
Iamunstoppable: 1
Fairmaiden327: 1
Rest of the World: 0

Let's see what you got this week, and of course, bribes will be accepted.