Sunday, April 30, 2006

4/30/06 Competitive Eating

There's a new craze sweeping across America and it is disgusting. Perhaps you have seen it on ESPN or ESPN2, as competitive eating is attempting to be called a sport. This is disturbing on many levels. First of all, where is the athletic talent in shoving food down your throat. Competitive eating might be the only sport ever where anyone off the street would be on par with the pros. The more disturbing part is that these people partake in these contests while people are starving around the world. How do you think people in Darfur would feel watching Ed "Cookie" Jarvis shoving his face full of grilled cheese, crabs, wings, hot dogs, salad, and what ever else he can get his hands on.

Professional competitive eating has corrupted a fine American tradition. I suppose I could understand having a pie eating contest once a year on July 4th. But, the idea of glorifying these people who treat their own bodies so poorly is beyond comprehension.

Is that what we want our children to aspire to? Imagine you child staring you in the eye and saying, "One day I will hold the record for the most grilled cheese sandwiches eaten in 12 minutes." Would you help himpursue this goal? Will you pay for eting lessons? Or will you slap the sandwich out of his hand, make him go on a diet, and immediately enroll him in a real sports league. I'm betting the latter.

And for all you competitive eaters: I hate you.

Friday, April 28, 2006

04/29/06 - Da Po-Po

watch the video and you'll see why I hate da po-po. I join my brethern by shouting from the rooftops, "F*ck da police."

and if you're a trigger happy cop: I hate you.

ps. I know this is a couple hours early for 4/29, but tomw will be a busy day. Y'all should just be happy that I keep sharing my hate every day.

04/28/06 - Cellphones Instead of Lighters

Traditionally, at the end of a concert, when the band had put on a good performance and you wanted to hear an encore, you would hold up a lighter. It was actually really cool to see all of these people holding up little bits of fire. But now, no one smokes but people still feel the need to hold up light. So they hold up their cell phones. This is incredibly repulsive to me. For some reason it smacks of corporate America. Rather than an organic feeling among the crowd its a disgusting display of technology. It takes all the uniqueness out of the air. I mean at award shows, manufacturers now give their phones to the people in the front to hold up (didn't you ever wonder why they all have the same phone?).

If you want an encore, please do one of two things: scream loudly and clap, or hold up a lighter. Leave your cell phones at home. Being at a concert is the perfect time to divorce yourself from your cellphone for a few hours. Its disturbing how many people view their cell phone as an appendage.

And for you tools who still feel the need to hold up your cell phones at the end of concerts: I hate you.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

04/27/06 - I Loved Them Before They Got Big

Ever listening to a new band, grooving out, and your buddy has to say, "Oh, I know them. I've been listening to them for years. Now that everyone likes them, I hate them."

This is so incredibly lame and I've been hearing it for my entire life. When I was into jam-bands, there was always some new "hot" band. Every time we'd go to see them, my buddies would be like, these guys were so much better before they got big.

The same phenomenon occurs with authors and movies as well. People love books until they wind up on the NYT Best Sellers list, then they feel that they can't like it because everyone else does. These cynics love independent movies, but hate when they break through.

There is a reason that these people react this way. It is not because they feel the need to be different. Its not even because they hate mainstream culture. Its because their whole identity is built on being smarter and hipper than you and me. What happens when their not smarter and hipper? Well there just nerds. Which is ok. I am a nerd, but I am ok with it. These people fail to accept their true personas. If mainstream culture accepts what they like, how are they special any more? No longer are they the geeky guy at the record store with a smuggness about him. They become mere mortals like you (not me, I am immortal). They become ordinary, which they cannot stand.

For those of you who must hate on your former favorites: I hate you.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

4/26/06 - Super Involved School Types

I assume that everyone who is reading here has attended some kindof school in their life whether it be Harvard, Chubb Institute, or Middle School. Regardless of where you went there were always those few people who just loved having "school spirit." I'm not talking about cheerleaders (though as a side note, not a single school I have ever attended at any level has had attractive cheerleader). No, I'm talking about the guy or girl (no sexism here) who is involved in every club. He/she would have been the president of the student body if it wasn't a popularity contest. Instead he/she is the vice-president or perhaps even the treasurer. These people tend to think they can really make a difference at the school and increase the sense of community. They probably own lots of t-shirts, or at a minimum have all the t-shirts from the events they have run. You can be sure that they probably wear school related apparell 3-5 times a week (and not cool sports related apparrel).

These people are especially bad because they try and force their spirit upon you. They are suprised when you don't care about elections for the student government and even more suprised when you don't know the official school flower.

The super spirit types are the anti-thesis of what I stand for. They love everyone and everything. But to be a true person and understand yourself you must learn to hate.

So, for all you geeks amped up on school spirit: I hate you.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

4/25/06 - Mayonnaise

There are few things I hate worse in this world than mayonnaise. Has there ever been a worse condiment? It brings nothing to the table (pun intended). Perhaps the only task it serves is to make dry few seem not so dry. If this is the case, buy fresher meat! There is no reason a deli should ever use mayonnaise.

Do most people even know whats in mayonnaise? Let me tell you:
It is a stable emulsion of vegetable oil dispersed in egg yolk flavored with vinegar or lemon juice and sometimes tarragon.

Yummmmmmm.....sounds delicious. Please slop mine on my sandwich.

I'm equally disturbed by the fact that it is sold on the shelf. Doesn't the egg yolk need to be constantly kept cold? Theres a reason why you don't pck tuna-salad sandwiches when you go for a hike in the summer.

And I don't care about eating healthy, but how many calories does that disgusting stuff have in it?

For all of you who eat mayonnaise: I hate you.

Monday, April 24, 2006

04/24/06 - Celeb of the Week - Chris Martin

Starting today, every Monday the Daily Hater will let you know about celebrities that I hate.

Today's celeb: Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay.

I hate hime for two reasons. One: I find his music depressing, unimaginative, and all in all lame. People say they like Coldplay because they want you to think they are cool and misunderstood. Two: He's an uninformed idiot.

The following I am copying from the San Francisco Chronicle, because they have already described his pure lameness better than I ever could (please see for the full article). My comments continue after the extended quote.

The lead singer for rock group Coldplay, Chris Martin, has visited Ghana in his campaign against Western trade practices that he says undermine farmers in the West African country. Get rid of unfair tariffs imposed on Ghana, and those farmers would thrive, he believes.

Martin, who's married to actress Gwyneth Paltrow, may be well-intentioned, but he's ignoring structural problems in Ghana that have far more impact than outside tariffs, says Franklin Cudjoe, a development director in Ghana's capital, Accra. Cudjoe derides what he calls rock-star economics -- the practice of musician-activists and others to focus predominantly on the West's perceived responsibility for Africa's economic woes.

Cudjoe says "Live Aid" and other fund-raising efforts for the continent actually prop up corrupt governments in Africa. Last week, "Live Aid" organizer Bob Geldof announced a new series of concerts, "Live 8," that will raise millions of dollars for Africa relief. The concerts will take place on July 2 in Philadelphia, Paris and other cities.

"Rock stars have been extending their social campaigns too far," Cudjoe says in a phone interview from Accra, where he directs the organization called Imani. "The more you keep giving aid to (African) countries, you are telling them, 'It's all right to run a bankrupt government.' The countries themselves have to be revitalized. But the governments themselves aren't interested in (changing). Chris Martin and Bono refuse to (acknowledge) that."

To all you rock stars pretending to give a shit about the world: I hate you. Instead of forcing us to hear your boring diatribes, how about you let some poor people live in one of your many homes. This includes Kanye West. After all his rapping about Sierra Leone, he still rocks diamonds. Punk.

4/23/06 - Drink Orders

Note to all men: when you go out to a chain restaurant like Chili's or Friday's you should NEVER be looking at those colorful drinks on the back.

If you're drink looks like any of the above pictured drink, knock it off the table (by accident of course) and order a new one.

I know that many people do not go out to drink often and are preplexed by the number of choices available. I suggest finding a drink you like and sticking with it. (Note: this will also help you from getting sick; people tend to throw up when they start mixing and matching too many drinks at the same time)

Some suggestions for men:
-vodka tonic
-gin and tonic
-jack and coke
These three are simple, easy to remember, and no one will think you are a pussy for ordering any of them.

For women:
-any of the above
-cranberry (or any other juice) and vodka
-jack and ginger (note: lighter colors in drinks are ok for girls).

Stay away from sour mix and if you want to impress your friends, but a round of shots. As opposed to drinks its ok to order ALMOST any shot with a few exceptions. Men, no ordering buttery nipples. When in doubt stick to the basics: shot of jack, shot of jaeger, soco and lime, ect.

And for all you men ordering foo-foo drinks: I hate you.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

04/22/06 - Cars

I'm back from a long roadtrip and I need to let the world know where technology has failed us.

Imagine, the year is 1982, you need to travel from NYC to Boston. You probably drive about 70-75 mph and make it in 3-3.5 hours.

Now imagine the present, 2006. You need to get from NYC to Boston. You probably drive about 70-75 mph and make it in 3-3.5 hours.

How is it that this techonology has not gotten any better? It still takes just as long to travel as it did 20 years ago. I will concede the point however that it is much more comfortable. However, that is of little encouragement. Where's my Jetson's cars? Where's my Star Trek transport beam? Wheres my modern car and highway systemt that I can handle safely at 150 mph?

Car manufacturers keep putting more and more crap we don't need in out cars. Well, how about this, you guys leave out my mutlifunctional dvd player and instead make a car that I can legally drive 200 mph.

ANd for those cars driving at or below the speed limit on the highway (actually, this is probably a topic for a separate hate): I hate you.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

4/20/06 - bonus quote

From my main man Talib Kweli:

I don't know why people try to be live when they not
I gotta blow up they spot so I fly that knot

There's an E! True Hollywood Story for the pluckin' it's ripe
How cats is stuck in purgatory for life
Tryin' to fight the enemy without sight
They in the dark swingin' right to left
Clingin' to the little bit of light that's left
And can't escape the room, you can't escape the tomb
You all wear a mask sometimes, I can relate to Doom
That make the whole world earthquake, shake, and move
The beat create a mood or eat your whole plate of food
You can't come close like an order of protection
That this is myself in the pack was sort of my intention
Slaughter anybody testin' my callin', my profession
Anymore questions will born 'em a lesson
A demonstration of takin' it all the way home
While you stuck at first base and
It's like havin' relations without the penetration
Basically doin' nathin'
You a waste of space and time
Always chasin' mine is how you lost your place in line

4/20/06 - Rhetorically Inconsistent Arguments

Sorry for missing yesterday's post. I had hoped to post every day, thus the name Daily Hater. Unfortunetly I will be out of town for th enext three days. Please return on Monday for more hate.

On to today's hate....

The Daily Hater enjoys entering into political and philosophical arguments. I try to recognize the merit of the other side even when I don't agree. However, what really gets my ire up is when my opponent fails to remain consistent.

An argument about abortion.
Pro-life: We need to outlaw abortion because the fetus is a person and we must protect life. (While I may not agree, this is an understandable position to take).
Pro-choice: Well, what about cases of rape?
Pro-life: Well, I mean, in cases of rape an exception should apply.

Do you see why this is inconsistent? Why is the fetus who is the result of rape any less of a life than the fetus formed by consentual intercourse? When making arguments we must remain consistent. Otherwise, how can we have informed debate?

All of you inconsistent fools: I hate you.

PS. for anyone who thinks I'm inconsistent (although I try to never be), please allow me to quote Ben Franklin. "You say I contradict myself? Fine, I contradict myself. I am large; I contain multitudes."

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

4/18/06 - Chain Interviews

Today I had the pleasure of sitting in a Starbucks while a job interview was being conducted at the next table over. Don’t get it twisted, your boy the Daily Hater was not interviewing for Starbuck, I’m above that, but its still respectable for some people. Hell, at one point in my life I sold mattresses for a living.

Here are some of the excellent questions that Starbucks asks its potential employees:
1. Tell me about a time you had trouble at work
2. Tell me about a time you had a problem with a co-worker
3. Tell me about the last time you were late to work
4. Why do you want to work here?
5. How do you feel about our dresscode?
6. Whats your favorite Starbucks drink?
7. Whats your biggest weakness
8. Are you looking at Starbucks as a career?

The list goes on and on. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to not get a job as a barista (I use the word barista reluctantly, lets call them coffee lackeys)

Here are some proposed answers to the above questions:
1. Mad customers were getting up in my face. They wanted a product we didn’t have. Dude kept yelling, so I slapped his ass.
2. Well, me and Jamal was trying to slip some product out the back when he insisted on getting a cut of the action. I refused and a scuffle ensued. Work was awkward after that. (Note: this is meant to play to the racial stereotypes that suburban Starbucks managers likely have, not to reflect my own)
3. The last time? How about every time?
4. My shit just got repo’ed. I’s got to get paid. Also, I love the corny music you guys play on continual loop.
5. I will not have my personality censored by your corporate bureaucracy
6. I like the free water pitchers you guys have at some locations.
7. My work ethic
8. Yeah, I think I have middle management written all over me.

The funniest part of the interview is hearing the manager describe how great the work environment is. “We have a team atmosphere,” “We have a great training program,” “Starbucks keeps growing and there’s room for you to grow,” “You’ll learn the best method to clean toilets!”

Lets view the job for what it is: a weigh station before you move on to another job.

For all you self-righteous managers who think these interviews are serious: I hate you.

And a special second daily hate:
For all you fools who fail the interview: I really hate you.

Monday, April 17, 2006

04/17/06 - Delinquents Outside Movie Theaters

Have you been to the movies late at night on a Friday or Saturday recently?

I hadn't, but decided to see a late showing on Saturday night. As I waited outside the theater for my friends to arrive, I was lucky enough to be in a crowd of juvenile delinquents waiting for their parents to show up. Just sitting there I felt like I was in middle school all over again. Was I loud and obnoxious like these kids? Probably, but you know what, someone was probably hating on me back then. I'm sure you've seen this crowd. They stand around, yell and course, guys try to hit on girls, ect.

The thing that bothered me most was the fact that they all seem to be running around at 100 mph. "Oh know, you didn't say that about her!" Followed by some little punk chasing another punk around the parking lot.

I really don't care if they want to chase each other around the parking lot, thats their business. In fact, its mildly entertaining. But, did the one being chased have to decide to circle around the pole that I was leaning against? I know why they did it, because I'm white and look corny and they think they can get a reaction out of me. Well, bravo, mission accomplished.

So all of you punks waiting outside the theater for mommy and daddy to pick you up: I hate you.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

4/16/06 - People who claim to "hate" jazz

Every so often I run into people who have no idea what the word hate actually means. These people attempt to tell me tht they "hate jazz." Are you kidding me?

Situation: me at coffee house reasing book. girl walks over, asks about book. I think she might be intelligent so I enter conversation. My first mistake! We start talking about music. My second mistake!
Me: You ever listen to jazz?
Her: No. I hate it.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Yeah, I tried once. I don't get it.

Her view is completely indicative of people who hate jazz. They don't really hate, they have just yet to find the type that they like. Jazz is the true American art form and spawns in many directions. If you haven't found a piece that speaks to you, please keep looking.

Here are 5 suggestions (all different types)
1. Sarah Vaugh - Gershwin Live
2. Miles Davis - Sketches from Spain or Kindof Blue
3. Herbie Hancock - Head Hunters
4. Sun Ra - Easy Listening for Intergalactic Travel
5. Artie Shaw - Begin the Beguine

If after listening to those 5 albums you havent found something you like: I hate you.

4/15/06 - Snarf

I know its been a lot of TV related posts recently. Sorry.

Today's hate goes out to Snarf.

From the TV show Thundercats, Snarf was Lion-O's "nursemaid" on Thundera, and he had a hard time dealing with the fact that Lion-O is no longer in need of his "protection". Although he's somewhat cowardly, Snarf does manage to gather his wits and help when needed.

For all of you who are somewhat cowardly, thunderstealing, fools unsure of your place in society: I hate you.

Friday, April 14, 2006

4/14/06 - Smoke in Restaurants

Tomorrow is a monuemental day in NJ. There will no longer be smoking in any public places but casinoes. It will also mark the end of a long period of hatred. I used to hate going out to bars, having fun, coming home, and smelling like an ash tray. You also have to keep in mind that I detest doing laundry and attempt to get as many wears as possible out of items like jeans. Now I can cut back on my laundry. Sweet! I could go on a long diatribe about how much I dislike smokers, but we've all heard that before. I don't care if you smoke, just keep the smell off my clothes.

So today is a special day at Hate On A Stick. Today we don't announce hate, but rather announce the end of a hateful era.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

4/13/06 - Guys Who Claim to DIg Chick Shows

Every year there is a new show that is popular with women: Sex and the City, the OC, Desparate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy; I'm sure the list goes on but I dont claim to a) watch these shows, b) be in tune with whats cool. Every year there are loads of guys that claim they like the show. They always have some lame excuse as to why they watch: my wife/girlfriend makes me, I want to understand women, the actresses are hot, the list goes on and on. Yet, these men (may I call them men?) cannot escape the real reason they watch these shows, they themselves are lame and have no sense of sexual identity. These shows are not witty. They are not funny. There is a reason that there is a new popular show every year.

News flash Walter Conkrite: if you need to discuss shitty TV shows to pick-up chicks, you probably want to rethink your appraoch.

Guys who turn in women in front of the TV screen: I hate you.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

4/12/06 - Psuedo-Intellectuals Who Cite Movies

Today's daily hate goes out to a special group of people who pretend to be smart. I'm sure you've met a few. You'll be in the middle of an interesting intellectual discussion. They'll be having a little trouble making their point. So what do they do? Cite a movie of course!

Two examples:
1. In a constitutional law course (at a law school) during a discussion of women in the military one of my brilliant classmates raises her hand and says, " I don't know how many of you here have seen G.I. Jane, but....." I would write the rest of her quote but a little piece of me died as she said that. Please, if you can't support your position with theory or facts, don't rely on fiction.

2. Scene: dinner at family friend's house - many in attendance, including old woman. Old woman in question proceeds to lecture me on political campaigns. (Keep in mind I have worked on multiple campaigns on both the federal and state level). Upon my disagreeing with her she insisted that she was right. So I asked if she was sure. Her response, "Well, that's what I saw on West Wing." From now on, lets all make a pledge to defer to people with actual employment skills rather than those who are glued to a couch.

All of you who think that TV and movies are indications of real world occurrences: I hate you.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

4/11/06 - The NBA Dress Code

Here is why I hate the NBA dress code:

"Bernard Robinson is out for the year with a broken finger, but suited up against New Jersey last week because he’d spilled food on his dress clothes. By wearing his Bobcats uni, he wouldn’t be in violation of the dress code"

The other reason I hate the NBA dress code: its racist. You heard me, racist. The league wants to white-wash its image so that it can sell out to corporate sponsors. Of course consumers will not want products that have tatooed black men in baggy clothing on them.

Well you know how we feel about sell-outs here at Hate On A Stick - we hate them.

I am a hater

I am a hater.

No, I do not hate because of race or religion. Do not lump me in with those supposed haters.

I hate because I see your flaws.

I hate because the world must know of these flaws.

I hate because I had a depressed childhood.

I will attempt to post some daily hate thoughts. If you don't like it, well then, I hate you too.