Monday, July 31, 2006

7/31 - Celeb of the Week: David Hasselhoff

I'm going to do it. I'm going to go ahead and hassle the hoff. Its not an easy thing for me to do. He had popular tv shows at two points in my life. As a child, Knight Rider was one of my favorite shows. In fact, I remember lying in bed pretending my bed was KITT before falling asleep. Then, as an adolescent who was discovering the female form David appeared on Bay Watch.

If that had been the end of his career, I would do nothing but admire him.

But then, recently, he has attempted some kindof comeback. It started with what seemed like a few too many "random" sightings on tv. He always seemed to be in the crowd. And then it hit, "America's Got Talent" (this show is a steaming pile of sh*t, which means something because I usually love reality tv). He's not funny, he's not engaging, he basically just trades on the fact that he's david hasselhoff. In fact I have seem him wear a shirt that says "Don't Hasel the Hoff." Total douchebag manuver. On one episode of America Lacks Talent, he introduced Donald Trump as the only man who can "hassle the hoff." It all just comes across as so cheesy and lame.

I also recently read in the news that David Hasselhoff was barred from boarding a flight to Los Angeles because he showed up too drunk at London's Heathrow airport, according to reports.

A man who has fallen from greatness yet still tries to grab the limelight cannot be respected by me. Add in various commentary about his musical career in Germanyand you realize why I hate.

David Hasselhoff: I hate you.

Friday, July 28, 2006

7/28 - Throw'em the Heater

It's Friday and that means its time to hear from you. Let me know what you hate (and as always, I'm accepting bribes).

Last week's winner: Rev. Steve
(as a reminder, please post your own hate in addition to any commentary you might have about Steve's)

Without further ado, Steve's hate:
Why are there still people in this world who pay at the checkout line of a drug store or supermarket by writing a check right then and there?

I would expect this behavior out of old people who are 80 years old or older. But in both cases, these people looked to me to be in their 30's (and both looked like dorks in my mind).

With the advent of debit cards, no one should ever write a check in a checkout line again. It's not like a debit card is hard to get anymore. Checks should be reserved for bill payment through the mail or payroll checks or payment of contractors. There ought to be a law about using them to buy groceries.

I was especially mad in one case where a manager had to be called over. And there wasn't another line I could get in.

I'm thinking these peope still use passbooks at the bank. Does anyone use a passbook anymore?

People who write checks at a supermarket who are young enough to know better... I hate you"

Thursday, July 27, 2006

7/27 - Can I Call You Right Back?

Ring, Ring
Hey, can I call you right back?
Umm, sure.

When making a phone call to a friend, this is one of my least favorite conversations to have. Now that most of us have cell-phones most of us have caller id. You know who is calling. If you don't have the time to talk, let it go through to voicemail. Why should I have to sit around and wait. When exactly is "right back"? I have seen it take anything from 2 - 45 minutes. I say 10 is the outside limit on use of right back.

Can I call you right back? No, I hate you.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

7/26 - NO! I DON'T DRINK!

posting this hate early, as I will be unable to post on the 26th. wish me luck, i need it.

Today's hate goes to a special person at the bar who I just can't stand. This person will stand there miserable without a drink in his/her hand. Often times a friend [can I say friend, I doubt these people really have friends, the only ones I have encountered have been acquaintances] will approach and say, "why don't you have a drink?" Rather than saying "no thank you" or smiling and saying "not right now thanks", this person launches into a monologue about how he/she does not drink. "Oh no! I don't drink! I never have any alcohol! Blah, blah, blah."

Listen buddy, we don't care if you don't want to drink. Honestly it makes no difference to me. In fact, since I live in the suburbs there are often nights that I go out and have nothing more than a soda. I don't try and insist that you have to drink to have a good time. My problem arises out of the fact that these individuals must be so damn sanctimonious (have I ever mentioned that sanctimonious is one of my favorite words? I'm surprised I haven't used it on the site yet. I'll also need to find a way to work defenestrate into a post). There's nothing special about that you're not drinking and there's certainly no reason to try and make others feel bad about drinking.

I have been at a bar with both mormons, muslims, and amish people all of whom never drink. Yet not a single one of them has felt the needed to act superior to me. They're just along for the ride and don't try and make a big deal about not drinking. That's why I have a theory about our self-righteous complainer. He needs attention. He knows by acting like a fool that he will get attention, even if it is negative. This need to be in the limelight is pathetic.

Dude lecturing me on why he doesn't drink: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

7/25 - Flush Shower

every morning I like to get up, go to the bathroom, and take a shower. However, this combination confronts me with a serious problem: what to do about the shower water temperature? You see, when you flush, it makes the shower exponentially hotter. Not only that, but you lose the ability to moderate the water temperature in the shower until like a minute and a half has passed.

I have never received a good explanation as to why flushing effects the shower so greatly. Are we using freezing cold water in our toilets that is getting pulled away from teh shower? How long mus this problem go on. I've been seeing it in showers around the country (and the world) for over 20 years. You would think that there would be atleast a few advances in plumbing. I'm sick and tired of getting scorched in the shower just because I flush the toilet.

Flushing before showering: I hate it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

7/24 - Celeb of the Week- T.O.

credit for picture

The man belives he was misquoted in his own auto biography. That and he ruined 6 months of my life. 'Nuff said.

T.O.: I hate you.

Friday, July 21, 2006

7/21 - Throw'em the heater

Show me what you got.

Sorry for not posting "winners".

Last week's winner: El Padrino:
This week's hate I focus on women.
Not all women, just women that stare at me when I'm sitting down on the train, expecting me to get up for them (fair maiden this better not be you). Now let me just say that I will get up on only two occasions:
1. If your over 90 yrs old (I need to see ID)
2. If your visibly pregnant. Visibly meaning large growth protruding from stomach.
If you don't meet any of those requirements, you will not be sitting in my seat until I get off at 49th st. Which from Brooklyn is a long time. So stop staring at me because it only makes me angry.
Why do I owe you this seat? Because your a woman? AND!? You wanted equal rights, well. Were equal. I'm just as entitled to sit as you. I hate you and the stare face you give me. Stand woman, STAAANDD!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

7/20 - Too Much Perfume

I'm riding the train into work today when an old lady sits in the seat behind me. I am immediately overcome with the scent of her perfume. The lady must have bathed in the stuff. (note, this is a common problem for old women because they begin to lose their sense of smell and think they are putting on the correct amount).

And this is not just a problem for women. Men have been known to slather on the cologne instead of showering. If any of my readers are doing this, you're not fooling anyone, we all know you haven't showered. And that obsession you're wearing went out of style like 8 years ago.

I very rarely if ever wear cologne, but I understand that some people like to wear fragrances. Its totally ok, but like all things please practice moderation. When you wear too much it does not smell good. It becomes similar to encountering a pile of manure.

People wearing too much fragrance: I hate you.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

7/19 - Men with long fingernails

I normally don't care much about appearances (contrary to what you might think after reading this) and I have never had a manicure of anything like that, but today I must comment about other men's hands. Have you ever seen a guy with long fingernails? It is completely disgusting.

What look are they going for? Freddy Krueger?

I once had a podiatrist with really long fingernails. Every time he held my foot it felt like he was stabbing me.

It really is a horrible affliction. Every time I see a man with long fingernails I want to hand him a dollar and tell him to buy a set of nail clippers.

Men with long fingernails: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

7/18 - Neighbors

Today's hate is specially dedicated to Fair Maiden, if you do something nice for me, you'll get a special post too.

My neighbors can be quite annoying and inconsiderate. I live in suburbia so are backyards border against each other and we have no fence. Since there is no fence, my neighbors have taken this to mean that they can walk through our backyard as a short cut. I suppose this would be fine except for the fact that they are noisy while they do it. However, that's not what annoys me.

What really riles up the hate within me is when their grandchildren are over for a visit and they go to play in the backyard. Rather than keep them within their own property these little monsters are running all over the place and right up to the back of my house. They don't belong anywhere near me and I don't want them near my house. One main reason is that there are a lot of rocks and crap back there and I don't want them getting hurt and then suing me. (Am I a law student or what? Whatever, little kids get hurt and I don't want to pay for it). I have even mentioned to my neighbors to please keep the kids off my property, but they refuse to comply. I'm thinking about setting bear traps back there. Good idea?

We all have neighbors and they all invariably do something to annoy us. I myself try to have little to no interaction with my neighbors. However if they were writing this post they would probably say they hate me because I can't understand the fact that little kids run around.

Many people live by the credo "love thy neighbor," well I say we should live by the motto "hate thy neighbor."

Inconsiderate neighbors: I hate you.

Monday, July 17, 2006

7/17 - Celeb(s) of the Week - the olsen twins

Now here are two celebrities that I cannot understand. They are completely hideous beasts. Perhaps some of the attraction and attention comes out of their years on full house. But, that does not explainwhy so many men are attracted to them. If I remember correctly, maxim ran an online countdown clock that ran until they reached 18 years of age.

More importantly, if guys like them because of full house, does that make the majority of their adult fans pedophiles? Personally I like my women a little older and with more meat on their bones.

I can't think of anything that they have done recently that warrants their celebrity status. New York Minute was nothing special and if that makes you a celebrity how come I don't see Andy Richter in US Weekly on a regular basis?

For no reason I can discern they are celebrities.

Mary Kate and Ashley: I hate you.

Friday, July 14, 2006

7/14 - Throw'em the heater

You know what to do.

I'm off to the mid-west for a wedding. If you don't hear from me on Monday it probably means I've been forced to marry the daughter of a local farmer and will spend the rest of my life looking forward to the Jackson County Fair. See my potential inlaws:

Have a hate-filled weekend. I know I will.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

7/13 - Crappy Shows I Like

I hate the fact that there are so many shows on tv that I like, yet I know they are crappy shows.

For instance, I like to watch tv at night before I go to bed. In my room I don't have cable, so the choices are pretty limited. I have taken to watching The King of Queens at both 11 and 11:30. Its embarrassing just to type it.

Other bad shows i enjoy include So You Think You Can Dance (a show I know I should hate) and Blowin Up. Why do I find so much enjoyment in shows that I know are bad? And, its not like I enjoy watching them because I mock them for being bad, I genuinely enjoy it. I think I would watch almost anything they put on MTV. Is there any explanation for the number of episodes I have seen of Room Raiders and Next? I'm probably getting dumber.

Anyone else hate the fact that you watch certain shows?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Impossible to hate on

720? Are you kidding me?

7/12 Don Downer

I hope everyone has seen the SNL skit Debbie Downer. Well, I work with a real life version of her, except mine is a male so we shall call him Don Downer. It is emotionally draining to even be within ear shot of one of his conversations. I finally learned to stay as far away as possible. Past conversations have included:

Scene one, lunch:

DH: these chicken nuggets are great. Want to try one?

DD: 10 minute lecture on why he only eats free range chicken.

Scene two, walking streets of Philly:

DD: walking these streets will be the death of me.

DH: huh?

DD: didn't you see that car almost hit us in the crosswalk?

DH: Umm. No.

DD: 10 minute lecture on the statistics about automobile accidents

Scene three, train (we commute from the same suburb):

DD: I'm never going to have children. I mean, I can't see bringing them into this world, what with the impending nuclear or environmental catastrophe.

DH: you need a prozac.

I could go on and on with examples, but I don't want to depress you too badly. The weird part is that he doesn't seem depressed. He almost seems to enjoy his ultra-weird personality. He wears it like a badge of honor. However, I would guess that his current attitude is more of a defense mechanism that he has developed from never having fit in anywhere at any time.

Don Downer: I hate you.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

07/11 - Yellow Cars

Yellow cars are hideous. Why would you want to look like you drive around in a taxi? Do they charge less for this color? I actually heard that if you have a yellow car insurance costs less because no one will ever steal it. I guess that is pretty good incentive to buy it.

Salesman: I know what you're thinking, yellow isn't for you.
Buyer: Yeah, its pretty ugly
Salesman: But you'll never have to worry about anyone stealing it!
Buyer: hmmmmmm

That doesn't seem like a conversation that I would ever have, but then again I am smartr than everyone.

Yellow cars: I hate you.

(on a another transportation note for those of you living in cities: I hate people over 35 who ride Vespas or vespa like bikes. I say the cutoff for these vehicles is 29, with a grace period from 30-34.)

Monday, July 10, 2006

07/10 - Bonus Observation

Can you believe there was a stabbing involving a Baltimore Raven's linebacker and it wasn't Ray Lewis? Me neither.

a little help

need a little help for a friend in NYC. if you know of any good part time summer jobs please let me know (ie handing out flyers would be fine). Please don't tell me to look at craigslist, everyone knows that by now jacka**. Either leave it in the comments or hit me up at if you have any ideas. Thanks! Anyone who provides a viable lead can chose a subject for me to hate on and I will post it here.

Celeb of the week hate below.

7/10: Celeb of the Week- Cash Warren

I hate Cash Warren because he has stolen my woman. For those of you not familiar with him, Cash Warren is Jessica Alba's boyfriend. I didn't think I had other reasons to hate him, but I though of a few.
1. What kindof name is Cash? What's his brother's name, Visa?
2. When you are 27 and your IMDB page does not have a picture and only has 2 credits total on it, you are probably not much of a professional.
3. did I mention he stole my future wife?
4. he murders kittens.
5. look how much better I look with Jessica Alba than he does.
6. he lives off the success of his daddy, Michael Warren.
7. he only has one testicle.

Cash Warren: I hate you

Friday, July 07, 2006

07/07 - Throw'em the heater

You know what to do.

Sorry to have not announced last week's winner. It was.....drum roll please.....FairMaiden327.

For those keeping score at home its:
Iamunstoppable: 1
Fairmaiden327: 1
Rest of the World: 0

Let's see what you got this week, and of course, bribes will be accepted.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

07/06 - Goofy Cell Phone Rings

Ever out with a friend, enjoying a fine beverage, when all of the sudden la coocaracha or some equally bad song starts ringing out? Or even worse some strange sound effect like a cow mooing invades your conversation?

Seriously, what kindof person chooses to make this his or her ring? (Side note: my cell phone has been on vibrate for the past 5 years. I don't even know what ring it is set to. I choose to keep my phone this way because I am better than you and your corny ring).

These "rings" are not entertaining and they are not cute. No one cares if you have the new Fifty Cent song blaring out of your pocket. If I want to hear music I will put on headphones or turn on the radio. Plus, don't you have to pay for these ringtones? The whole market seems ridiculous.

Heres an absurd site offered by MTV. For only a $1.99 your phone can play the Super Mario Brothers Theme Song. I tell you what, save your money and watch this video:

I guarentee it will bring a larger smile to your face than any ring tone.

People with goofy cell phone rings: I hate you.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

07/05/06 - AC

Sorry for the absence and lack of postings. You can't blame a guy for wanting to take a little vacation. Like the rest of the Philadelphia area I went down the Jersey shore. Please remember in NJ we don't have beaches, we have the shore. But while I was away, I discovered that there is a city that a truly hate. Its name is Atlantic City. AC (ironic because I also hate Mario Lopez who played AC Slater) is a rotting cesspool based around a bunch of aging casinos that are trying to figure out whats hip.

Once you leave the casinos though I hope you are bringing protection because the only thing you will find is thugs and prostitutes. Its really sad how the city has failed to build itself up. I guess most of the tourism dollars have fled the scene for Vegas. AC doesn't have the bright lights. AC doesn't have the shows. AC doesn't even have good buffets. Honestly, what kind of town built on casinos doesn't have a good buffet?

The truth of the matter is that anyone who can afford to will not live in AC. Travel less than 10 miles north or south and you will find vibrant, fun shore communities. And these people do not go into AC all that often. Sure they might go gamble every so often, but not many people venture to AC for the nightlife. It's a town that's slowly but surely dying.

(However there is one good thing about AC, it will be playing host to the A10 Men's basketball tournament this year. This is one of the few events I am willing to travel into that cesspool for)

For those of you who don't know NJ is in a bit of an economic crisis and the state gov't has shut down. AS a result there are no gaming inspectors and all the casinos had to shut down. The casinos went to the court to try and get an injunction. What was there argument? If the casinos were shut down there would be a mass exodus out of AC that the city could not handle. Thats how little there is to do in AC.

Atlantic City: I hate you.